


inset radiance

by ephemeral_fallacy



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Basically, Blood, Blood and Gore, Cannibalism, Childhood Memories, Decapitation, Insanity, M/M, Self-Sacrifice, basically kaneki on the brink of insanity, everything sucks, lots of sobbing on the part on both ends, messed up grammar, sunshine puppy hide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemeral_fallacy/pseuds/ephemeral_fallacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even after he's gone, he still lingers in Kaneki's mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	inset radiance

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, nor Tokyo Ghoul.  
> I only own my tears//

_Isn’t it too late?_ The taste of blood lingers in his mouth, like the barest breath of a memory, but the remains of the guts splattered on his body remind him that he’s just eaten. His newfound energy isn’t his. And he knows, because there’s a familiar face smiling back at him.

It’s a little unnerving how even though he lost his mind to his hunger, he still remembers the fact that he cannot— _unforgivable_ , if he does—wreck or mar Hideyoshi Nagachika’s face. Especially if he’s smiling. He has always believed that Hide’s smiling face was the sunshine that brought about the day to his eternal night. He gently cradles the severed head and bones clack onto the ground, but he pays no mind to them. The mantra in his head is a spash of _Why_ , and _Hide_ , and especially, **I’m sorry**.

“Why would you…?” And his own voice echoes back and the hands caressing Hide’s whitened cheeks tighten on the cold plaster skin stretched loosely over a cold skull. Within his own mind, _a little pit full of dark and monsters and things he's tried so very hard to suppress_ , Kaneki laughs as parts of his friend’s skin stretches and peels away, revealing the soft fat underneath the pale surface.

But, the second he realizes his actions, he quickly fixes it with a frown and a choke back of tears.

Then, Kaneki opens his mouth, a trickle of blood and saliva trailing down his chin, and chants, “...Hide, Hide, Hide.” He continues, his mouth never stopping until in one impulsive movement, presses the head to his stomach, blindly hoping his raspy voice can somehow imbue the life energy back into the blonde. _He doesn’t have any more tears, does he?_ The taste of blood is strong and sweet in his mouth, but he can only vomit, as if he’s eaten a sandwich.

_What he would **give** to eat one of Hide’s sandwiches again—_

 

**“Hey, Kaneki, you’re not eating a lot, lately.” He’s smiling, but the wrinkles on his face tell a different story. Kaneki doesn’t comment. The black-haired male nods slightly, his pale skin almost glowing in the light.**

**Hide reveals a sandwich from behind his back and holds it out for his friend to grab.**

**Kaneki is touched and he manages to muster up a sickly, but grateful, grin. He takes it from Hide and replies, “Thanks, Hide. I’ll make sure I eat it.” He doesn’t notice his hand that unconsciously touches his chin and Hide’s smiling eyes dim. The blonde doesn’t say anything, just watches him press the human food close to his _heart_.**

**The bookworm turns away with a lingering smile and turns the corner, calling a “Bye, Hide,” behind him.**

**Hide knows that it’s just going to go to the trash, again—no matter how close it gets—**

 

And the, the monster chokes up with a bitter and brittle sob.

“Hide...smile again, I _promise_ I won’t hurt you anymore,” he whispers and releases the head. It rolls, until it hits a chunk of viscera, laying on the concrete like the piece of flesh it is. His skin is smeared with red, his hair, chunky and marred with bits of flesh. “Did it hurt when I bit you? Did you _smile_ even when I did? Were you still _alive when I ripped your head from your body, i’m **so sorry hide please foRGIVE ME**_ ,”

And he feels his grip on reality suddenly tilt and twist and he absolutely can’t stay on this rocking ship because he throws up again. The acid in his stomach and vile ghoul blood mixes with Hide’s blood and bones and Kaneki can’t help but want to throw up again.

He doesn’t want that part of his friend in him.

He wants a smile, a hug, the handshake that first solidified their friendship, even a kiss, if he allowed it.

_Isn’t it too late—because you’ve eaten him, haven’t you, **monster**?_

“Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!” He screams and digs his bloody fingers in his hair and vehemently pulls. Strands of white, dyed in red, in his hands. _Not enough, not enough, where is Hide, where is **me** , anymore?!_ Kaneki gasps and chokes, his lungs constricting and he can’t breathe, the walls are closing in on him and his pupils dilate back and forth, over and over again. His fingers clench air and clench nothing, then dig into his palms and for a second, he feels like his blackened nails are drawing blood.

No, it's just a nightmare. A grave nightmare and Hide will still be there to—

**it's shattered**

Hide’s smile is surely gone.

His laugh, his glow, his friendship.

He’s been swallowed whole, ripped apart, shredded to pieces of flesh, converted into raw energy.

It’s Kaneki’s fault. **monster**

But the tears running down his face aren’t those of a monster. A broken boy, whose life was crushed by falling iron pillars and a woman of purple, a boy who was perfectly satisfied with his books and his blonde friend.

“ _Hey, Kaneki, cheer up a little, you look like you’ve just lost your best friend_ ,” a familiar voice calls and it sounds just like him.

Kaneki doesn’t dare look up.

“ _You know, I’ll always be with you, maybe not there to give you a kiss, hey, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? But, you know...you’ll always hear me in your mind_ ,” Kaneki can hear his smile and his laugh and everything that makes him Hide in his mind. His voice echoes, almost as if he’s whispering at his ear and his lips are brushing his skin.

“ _But you can do it, Kaneki! I know you can_ ,” Hide’s lingering words make the ghoul’s knees tremble and his fingers shake. Impossible-sounding, but the way he says it, makes it seem so believable.

Kaneki struggles to his feet, the scent of sunshine in his nose and not of blood and tears.

Ah, yes. _Sunshine,_

 

**remember when we first met? you looked radiant, your hair shining like woven gold and your smile brighter than your teeth that gleamed...beautiful, i whispered, and you replied with a laugh i could never forget**

****   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> //bbye happy life  
> //leaves to write more hidekane


End file.
